*some nighttime wandering*

[windup_boytoy]

*is on one of his usual meandering night walks and decides to visit Sora, climbing up to tap on his window*

Comments

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*gives you a questioning look*

Okay... so that means... someone before you woke up here taught you?

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*has to think of the best way to approach this, since it's a delicate subject*

I wasn't... I wouldn't call it being taught, Sora. *frowns a little and plays with a lock of your hair so he doesn't have to look at you* You and Riku... your first time together with each other will be special. Because you love and care for each other. It will be a good memory.

I... don't have good memories.

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*looks at you through his spiky bangs, concern and sadness etched on his face as he reaches out and idly holds your other hand in his*

You... your first time wasn't with someone you loved?

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*makes a choked little scoffing noise*

I. I told you before, Sora, that I'm a replica. I wasn't even a 'he', I was an 'it'. I was made. I was... a boy-shaped toy. And... you play with toys, Sora. You toss them around and throw them into walls and experiment and do whatever you want with them because they're just toys and it doesn't matter what you do to them.

Do... do you understand what I'm trying to say?

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*looks at you, a little confused, but still feeling his heart throb*

S-so they didn't love you either, then?

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

Of course not. I was a toy. *has to take a deep breath and close his eyes, his hand clutching yours tight*

I was raped.

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*stares into your eyes, wanting you to burst out laughing, to tell him this is a sick fucking joke, shaking his head as his heart threatens to sink into his feet*

N-no...

No, Ri.

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*cringes down, letting his hair hang into his eyes, but it's too late to take back his words*

I didn't know what it was, at first. Until I found out later. I sorta got used to it after awhile. So that's how I 'learned.'

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*shakes a little, his hand tightening almost painfully on yours, to feel your skin and warmth, reminding him that you're a human being who was r-...he can't even think that word*

I'd... I'd kill whoever...

*instead, he calms his malicious streak, pulling you close until the planes of your bodies are firmly connected, squeezing you in shock*

No one should ever have to get used to that. NO ONE. I can't...

*...even imagine what it felt like to be used repeatedly, be so intimately violated over and over again*

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*trembles when you pull him close, because he was so sure you might push him away instead, and presses his cheek against your shoulder so he can speak into your ear and not have to raise his voice or anything*

It... it wasn't all bad. No. Well. I... I learned to be very good, so that was all that would be done. Sex, I mean. If I was good enough at the sex part, usually I would avoid the... punishments. Sometimes.

You can't do anything about it anymore, Sora. It's in the past. Don't get angry.

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*sobs loudly, clutching you closer as delirium takes the place shock had been*

No! That IS punishment, Ri! Don't ever think otherwise!

*wants desperately to tuck you away from the world right now*

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*is confused and shocked by your outburst, but he doesn't mind that you're clutching him, because you feel safe and warm and he burrows closer still*

Sora... please calm down. Don't... don't get upset. I... I won't say that I've gotten over it, but... my memories are blurred now. I don't remember everything, just flashes. You and Riku and Namine... you're helping me make better and happier memories to keep those ones away.

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*makes a choked sound against you, laying back on his bed and pulling you with him for better cuddles and pulling back to look at you with red eyes and a heart that wants nothing more than to make it all okay*

*... so he helps to lay you back on the bed and press tiny, gentle and soft kisses over your face, your lips, your adorable nose, your ears...*

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*is still sort of confused, but something in him feels warm and soft and so very happy when you kiss him so gently like that, like he's precious and special and real and you won't ever hurt him*

... Sora... Sora, I'm just me...

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*kisses you again, holding his lips over yours and nuzzling against your nose, a few tears dropping onto your cheeks as his heart feels likes it's breaking for you, and at the same time, filling with love and tenderness for you*

I just... I wanna erase every touch that you didn't want...

*settles his body over yours so that you feel warm and taken care of*

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*gasps a little bit under you, since no one's ever said anything like that to him before; he reaches up to wipe the tears from your cheeks, his own eyes stinging in response*

Sora... why? I'm only... I'm only me. You... you're making my heart feel warm again.

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*cries harder, because it's likely that someone who hurt you made you believe you didn't matter, and the puzzle pieces are all starting to fall together; he kisses down your neck, little chaste kisses down your arms and in the palm of your hand*

I don't want anyone to treat you like a toy, a doll, something replaceable.

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*squirms a little bit when you kiss a ticklish place on his arm, but is rather intrigued by this strange feeling of being soothed*

... I know you wouldn't treat me like that, Sora. You tell me that I'm real. And Riku tells me I'm not a toy, too. I'm different now than I was before because of that, aren't I?

*cups your cheek in his palm* Why do you keep crying?

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*presses his cheek to your heart, soaking your shirt a little as he trembles, appalled that this sort of thing really happens, and to someone so young*

You were never a toy. You were just treated like one. You were always real.

...be-because you had something very precious t-taken away and I can't make it better.

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*wraps his arms around you, unsure as to how to get you to stop crying, but he likes the feeling of you with him, and he knows your tears are for him*

Don't cry, Sora. Please. It makes me sad. And... and I had something taken away, but you're helping give something better back. Because of you, I can know what 'love' is.

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*calms a little when your arms circle around him, closing his eyes and stroking up and down your sides to comfort you, drawing slow, rhythmic circles on your hipbones*

I'm sorry, I don't want to make you sad...I just can't help it. I want you to be loved, and someday, be able to love too.

I love you. And I'm so sorry, Ri.

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

I know, Sora. And I believe you. One day, I'll be able to tell you that I 'love' you, and it will be right. And I'll be able to tell Riku and Namine that, too. You give me so much... it makes everything that happened before not matter.

*he moves one hand so he can tip your face up, leading you closer so he can kiss you sweetly, a small token of thanks for your understanding and your love*

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*kisses you back, moving his body up along yours so that he can kiss you more comfortably, still giving you tender touches all over*

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

*oh, he's missed kissing you like this, slow and easy and like he has all night to just kiss you and soak up your affection*

[endlessxsky.livejournal.com]

*well go right ahead then; he reaches up to start playing with your hair, combing through the strands and fanning them out on the pillow under your head*